lying
When I was very little, I looked up at the adults, and I saw something very wrong. To put it simply, the adults lied to one another, and especially to themselves. I could see different parts of them, intellectual, and emotional and sensational. These did not always jibe, in fact, they were really opposite one to another. I could see this as clear as day. The words would come out of them, but emotionally they were saying the opposite. The worst part was that they lied to themselves to cover up the lies they told each other.
From my perspective, as an infant and young toddler is made no sense or perhaps it would be better if I said that this was perverse, and I knew it. The worst part was the magnetism that lying held. I was deathly afraid that I would lie and not even know it. I took vow after vow after vow that I would not lie.
People dislike those who tell the truth, and when I was four or five, I had to make a decision. Was I going to lie or not? I wanted to tell the truth always so far as I saw it, but then I was awfully alone. In fact, that was the tell the truth are shunned, and avoided like the plague. Those who lie easily make friendships easily and settle into a kind of camaraderie. That was based on untruths. Oh, the comfort of lying! Those that lie to themselves love themselves in a way that people who tell the truth cannot. Those who tell the truth are always in pain, because the truth hurts. Perhaps only a saint can tell the truth. It takes that much strength. I desperately did not want to be alone, so I fell into the general pool of what we called white lies, supposedly lies that didn’t make much difference and did not hurt anyone.
We lied inside to build our self-esteem. And then we lied outwardly to get along. This was as firm as gravity. I grew into this lying and forgot how to tell the truth. I did not want to hurt so I told myself I was OK. I was special, and in fact I was extraordinary. I could see into other people deeply, and that they were lying and they were comfortable. Oh, woe is me. I live in a world where the lie is more important than the truth. Just look around and take off the lying glasses and you may see that nowhere can be found the truth. The scaffolding of the truth is much too steep and hurts too much and lying is the line of least resistance. Deeply asleep in our lies and with our allies we soldiered on… a pack of lies. My picture of myself is untrue. Face to face with reality. I am as nothing. In the cosmos I am barely a spec.
Occasionally people ask me for my advice. I never tell them to tell the truth, because that is impossible. But perhaps for a half an hour I can agree not to lie. First I need to do it alone and just look around and find things that I disagree with. I have to learn to accept them exactly as they are. I have to take the filters off. Then perhaps I can be with another person and refrain from lying for a half hour. Just that, or I advise them to pretend that everything they said actually was the truth. It is much harder to lie then. Try it. Imagine that everything you say is completely the truth. It becomes almost impossible to lie in such a state. Have a great day.